Aquarius; Jan 21 - Feb 19.
Relax and
indulge yourself with 3 boxes of cadbury's milk chocolate chicken pellets.It's time to de-stress this month, as your recent spaz
attacks have hypnotized you to piss on everyone!
Pisces; Feb 20 - March 20
You raised £1.09 for the charity, WELL DONE!
This is a fantastic opportunity to give up your career in any type of fundraising event!Pass the tesco value butter please?
Aries; March 21 - April
Well well well.... You will find a well at the bottom of your garden, next to wiggly-woo
(Theres a worm at the bottom of the garden and his name is wiggly-woo).Throw your spouse into it and make a wish!
Taurus; April 21 - May 21
You've
been really hot headed recently, now its time to chill out - You're going to the antartic to invlve yourself in penguin anatomy
research!Enjoy the trip, and look out for pingu.. he bites.
Gemini; May 22 - June 21
You decide
to play a trick on your family members only to discover you are on under cover tv! Doh!On the plus side... you're on tv! WOO!Wear
a rabbit for good luck.
Cancer; June 22 - July 22
Money
is no object- WAKE UP! That's a load of monkey piss. Right now you should be out begging on the street for pennies.. Fortunatly,
your social life at the moment is poor, like you, so don't worry!
Leo; July
23 - August 23
Well, Leo, what can i say? You know it was wrong to poor green wee on OAP's.. - but hey, it's still
funny.. and you did get £250 from YBF! Nice one!
Virgo;August 24 - Sept
22
Ever wondered what magical words could rhyme with your name?A new tv series is doing
just that! And YOU are going to be presenting it!... Thats if anyone really wants to be able to smell your armpits over a
tv connection.....
Libra; Sept 23 - Oct 23
You will
find your body with a different head on a porno site, now how did that get there? Remember NYE? Didnt think so.. Maybe you
should give up the drink!-Or alternativly, you could stop being pissed on by your grandmother.
Scorpio; October 24 - Nov 22
Look out!That was close! Low-flying pig-ins are circling your
house.This is due to the increased size of your ego!Maybe you should stay inside for a few years until the swelling of your
lump goies down.
Saggitarius; Nov 23 - Dec 21
Do you really think thats edible? No,
neither do i.Take care in what you eat this month - the FBI are onto you, and are trying to poison your food, they want you
dead because you know something.. you know something that could spell the end of badger-kind!
Capricorn;
Dec 22 - Jan 20
Put that stake down!Feeling violent Capricorn?Maybe you should stay off the drugs for a while - just so
your brain can have a rest from fighting off evil invisible monekys.
